Before I start this post, I'd like to say that I am in no way writing this to preach to you my way of life, to judge anyone who chooses to live differently, or to have a dig at the people involved in the regrets I have from the experiences that I write about here. I simply write to inspire more women out there who have felt as I have over the years not to feel alone, wronged, afraid, dirtied, sinful, faithless, pressured, stupid or worthless. I write this to tell women that they are simply human, and in that they are beautiful, inside and out.
The world has changed so much in the last generation or two, and yet it is still painfully the same. Our culture has changed and a lot of it is for the better, such as feminism, independence, acceptance, and the sharing of knowledge. However with this has come the mistakes of too much freedom, the crazy whirlpool of dating that is casual sex, harsh judgement of single women and the complete loss of self-respect. Here I'd like to share with you, especially the younger generation, my experiences of this world, and the things I wish someone had shared with my when I was young.
First and foremost, you must learn to value your heart, your mind and your body because these are the things most valuable to the survival of the person you are
right now, prior to love's tarring brush. It is important that these are not free for just anyone to come along and desecrate. That doesn't mean that I am telling you to immediately take yourself to a nunnery and become eternally celibate. I would like though for you all to take a minute to decide to give yourself worth, as the only version of you there is the world, you're pretty special. The first edition, copyrighted, genuine person. That makes you incredibly valuable, especially as the only person who can decide who is worthwhile of sharing the most important protected parts of yourself with. It's a huge responsibility, and it's something that really no one else can decide for you. Whether you decide that you will share these things with everyone you meet, or only those who prove themselves worthy, you are right. Just remember to always think twice and try not to act on impulse, as allowing someone access to these things allows them the power to change them, possibly forever.
It can be hard to keep your faith, or if you are non religious, your values, in a society where so many other young people are buying into the "he won't like you/stay with you unless you sleep with him" culture. Because if you need give someone everything you have to get them to stay with you, then it's likely that they aren't worthy of all of you after all. Don't ever feel pressured to do something you aren't ready to experience yet just due to fear of missing out. The benefit of being a "celibate until marriage catholic" who
has already committed the sin of sex before marriage is that I can honestly assure you that that thing you are so terrified of missing out on is not that big of a deal anyway.
Now before you all start slating me and saying that maybe my sexual experiences were just rubbish and sex can be amazing blah blah blah, don't bother as I already know it can be amazing thank you very much. However no level of amazing sex is ever going to stop the regret from eventually setting in that you abandoned your values. I hate to say it, but it's true. No matter how much you may love that person, when you decide to change yourself and have sex early or whatever else you are compromising for that relationship, you are losing something that has always been a core part of you, and at some point you are going to feel some mourning for that part.
When I said the thing you are scared of missing out on I also meant a relationship. For example, when you decide to have sex with someone very early on because they can't wait until marriage and you don't want to miss out on dating them in case they are "the one". Firstly, remember the mourning, this can be incredibly hard for the other person to deal with as you are regretting something that for them was a key bonding moment in your relationship, it's not easy to hear. You will be dealing with this much earlier on when you are not as closely bonded, it will be 100x harder. But also bear in mind that if someone is unwilling to wait for you, then it is unlikely that they are "the one" because if there is already something about that they could not date you unless you changed, do you honestly think they will accept everything else about you?
Always stick to your beliefs, and listen to both your heart
and your brain, because sometimes your heart can be incredibly stupid! If you have always wanted to wait until you are married to have sex then stick to it. I know waiting is tough, especially if you've had sex before. (I'm in the exact same boat myself, so I really do know!) My point though is as tough as it is I am managing to do it and if someone truly loves you and wants to be with you, then they will just man up and get on with it. Or at the very least they would be willing to give it a try. Honestly, what choice do they have? Sure there are other girls they can go and have sex with, but then they don't get you and you are amazing!
Someone who waits for you is not only proving their love for you, but more importantly they are showing their respect for you, and respect for your right to say no. They are respecting your choice to preserve the most sacred part of you until you feel ready to share it, and that's an incredible display of worthiness. Respect is a deeply important part of love, it cannot survive without it.
Real talk now, as I write this mostly so you can feel you have someone to relate to. I recently doubted my faith after meeting someone I felt a real connection with. I doubted my commitment to celibacy as I was pretty sure he was not the kind of person to wait until marriage, and I felt the deepest fear in me that I would miss the chance to fall in love with this man. It turns out that our situations and future desires are very different and on that I have managed to rein in my feelings to realise that it is something that could never work. Now that I know we are not going to become romantic, I feel a huge sense of relief that I didn't give up my values for someone. And I also experienced my first sexual temptation since deciding to wait for marriage in a situation where I could quite easily have thrown caution to the wind! (Imagine your hottest celebrity crush, topless, in a private room. Yeah,
tempation!) I'm so thankful that I didn't and if anything it has made my faith even stronger as had I given in to temptation that day, I would now be seriously emotionally attached to a relationship that is utterly doomed to fail.
It still sucks now, I still think fondly of him and I'm not yet capable of just being his friend. And believe me the temptation is 100% still there, but it just makes me so much more resolved to find someone who likes me for who I am, awkward values and all.
Basically what I'm trying to say in this post, is that only you know yourself well enough to decide what is right for you, and to know that you are making the right choice. I'm not preaching chastity because what is right for one person may not be for the other but as long as you can always look at your decisions with respect, and more importantly the person you are becoming as a result of those decisions with respect, that is what matters. Be true to yourself, and remember to take on guidance from those a little further down that road than you as they really do have hindsight and perspective that you haven't gained yet. They might not always be right, but they can give you a heads up that might just stop you from making that one mistake you will regret for years to come.
Puddy <3
