19. Drink a cocktail from a coconut.

Well, I've been absent for a while, I can't deny that. As always, living life gets in the way of writing about it. Just a quick one though to say that I actually did one of the things on my bucket list whilst on holiday. Not exactly the most challenging thing, but I enjoyed it none the less! ;)

Lush Wednesday's: Curly Wurly Shampoo Review

Today's review is going to be a little different than usual in that it will be both shorter, and not quite the positive light as usual.

I have been for the past month or two religiously using the Curly Wurly shampoo in an attempt to control the frizzy mane that I have created with my perm. I figured if I used it long enough it would begin to make a difference, but I am sad to say that it has not. The texture is truly bizarre, mostly resembling porridge, lumpy and sticky. As such, attempting to lather this into your hair is not the most pleasant of feelings, and it leaves undesolvable chunks of coconut stuck tangled in your tresses.

Having said all of that, the smell of this product is pure luxury and even though the consistency is pretty gross, it feels rich and creamy.

I certainly have to admit I feel it is overpriced for the results that it provides, at £9.95 a pot that makes it even more expensive than Aussie. I expected far more from a Lush product, but it left my hair dry and frazzled. Although I'm disappointed, I've heard many good reviews of this shampoo for dry, curly hair, so I would urge you to try it for yourself! Perhaps your hair is less stubborn and damaged than mine.

Lots of love and happy thoughts

Puddy <3

Things I've been thinking lately

Okay, okay I suck at blogging, I am a terrible blogger. I am going to try and write all of this weeks posts in advance so I fail less this week, but we'll see :P

I was thinking earlier of coming on here and writing something really inspirational and fluffy. But now I'm really tired so instead you are stuck with the hopeless wonderings of my tired mind...with some fluffy inspirational stuff sprinkled on top wherever I manage.

Recently, I've thought about inspiration and what makes someone inspirational. What are the requirements to being a good role model? How do we know whether someone's actions are inspirational, or just good? What causes us to want to be like someone else? It's got me wondering if I really should be comparing myself to other people that I admire, or if I should be spending more time on becoming the person I want to be. Perhaps instead I should be my own inspiration.

I've been looking back again, comparing the person I am not to a 6 months ago, a year ago, two years ago. I've discovered that actually, the changes I've made to my life and my way of thinking are quite inspirational, in the way that they drive me to continue evolving. For once, I can say that I am proud of the person I'm becoming, step by step, even if I stumble and relapse here and there.

Life is full of surprises they say, and I'm beginning to learn how true that is. On more than one occasion, I've blogged about how much people can improve an already awesome experience, and it's been a constant learning curve during the ups and downs of changing my lifestyle. I have many incredible people in my life who help me every day to remember to smile and keep positive, but right now I'd like to tell you about one in particular who has really shown me how quickly things can change.

A couple of months ago, my company took on a new recruit, and I was pretty excited as she was the first person anywhere near my age to join in a while. It took literally around 2 shifts before I realised that this girl was about to change my day to day life majorly. She kept cracking me up with the way she was so relaxed, and so unforgivingly confident and we actually clicked in no time. We were gossiping about our love lives, and getting to know that our backstories really weren't all that different. I invited her on a night out as she had never been to town and we laughed our hearts out from getting dressed in my room, to having to run for the train, to stumbling home with cheesey chips at 2am. Not long after that I got pretty sick with my appendicitis, and not only did she come to visit me in the hospital, but she organised a collection around work that bought me a lovely orchid plant, some chocolates and a card signed by all my colleagues. Since then, we've been joined at the hip, and generally spend most of our time cackling in the corner of the office like naughty school girls. I absolutely adore her and I couldn't imagine my life without her. As I posted on Facebook earlier, a friend that within a month of knowing you, runs to get you a bin, holds in front of you while you are sick, pushes your wet hair out of your face, and walks backwards down the stairs to keep the bin in front of you while you walk to an ambulance is a friend for life. I love you Sarah you munchkin <3

There's a few more lovely people that have cropped up from nowhere, one in particular recently (if you're mad enough to be reading this, big kiss to you!) that have helped remind me that you never know what's around the corner. Two years ago I would never have been brave enough to get to know any of these people, but I'm so glad I did because they serve as a constant reminder that only I can decide who I am, where my life goes and how I let my past affect me.

One last thought: the things that happened to you made you who you are today, and whether you are proud of them or not, you shouldn't regret them. However they don't have to shape who you become from now on, that is entirely your choice, so don't let anyone take it away from you.

Lots of love and happy thoughts

Puddy <3

Apologies.

Hi guys,

Just a very brief post to apologise once again for my absence. Things have been pretty crazy at work the last week, and will be until at least Monday, with the chance to get even worse after that! Sadly that means I have not been keeping up my schedule here or on my channel. I will be trying my best to post a review this Wednesday, but however this week it will not be a Glow product as I have something else I really need to talk about. I'll try to be here as often as I can with some shorter than usual, a little less structured posts where I just share my thoughts with you or something, cool? For this weeks video (if I manage to find time) I'm thinking of doing the "whats in my bag tag" so you can look forward to that :)

Lots of love and happy thoughts

Puddy <3

Glow Wednesday's (again on a Thursday!): Away with the fairies bath mallow

"Tiptoe to the back of the garden, where the fairies live and use their

magic combination of cocoa and shea butters with pure jasmine

and clary sage essential oils to leave your skin, soul and spirit enchanted!"

Hi geeks :) This week I'm reviewing Glow&Co's away with the faires bath mallow. I'm pretty excited to be reviewing this as I really loved it, and it's always great when you get to write about something that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.

I'm going to start by giving you the description from Glow&Co's instagram: Brûlée - these lovely bath bombs last up to six baths. They're slow release moisture and make your water very creamy and soothing for your skin. Full of luxurious Shea butters and a wonderful scent these brûlées are perfect for a pamper evening.

And perfect it was! This bomb smelt absolutely amazing. Last week's product filled the room with the wonderful childhood scent of sweet shops which was beautiful. However this weeks product felt far more personalised. Had I paid more attention at the time of purchase, I'd have been prepared for the scent, but I'm glad I didn't because it only made it all the more delightful when the soft scent of jasmine began to swirl around my bath. For those of you who don't know, my absolute favourite scent is the combination of jasmine and ylang-ylang, something I have only ever found together once in a hand cream.

Using this product I had one of my most relaxing baths to date. The water was soft and smooth, and I could feel the jasmine and clary sage oils soaking into my skin. The scents were very soothing and it left a thin layer of foam along the top of the water to leave you with some dignity ;) Much like last weeks bomb, it did take a while to melt into the water but it was absolutely worth the wait and I truly enjoyed it considerably more when using in the evening with time to spare. This is definitely going to be bookmarked as a favourite product after a stressful day.

I was incredibly pleased with this adorable little bomb, styled beautifully again like a cupcake with a mushroom. It was a reasonable size and having checked their instagram after using it I wish I had known I could have used it for more than one bath! So I guess I'll make that bit bold for you guys ;) At only £2.25 it's an absolute bargain, and you get the pleasure of chatting with the lovely staff and the adorable packaging included in the price.

Overall a fantastic product at a very reasonable price, something I don't get to say nearly enough nowadays. I cannot recommend a visit to Glow&Co enough, they have stores in Basingstoke and Lymington, so if you're anywhere near by why not drop in and tell them I sent you.

As always, I will leave a link to their Facebook below, please give them a visit and let them know where you came from ;)

Puddy <3

Glow&Co's Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Glow-Co/211957398822171?fref=ts

Glow Wednesday's (on a Thursday!): Chasing Rainbows Ballistic.

Morning Geeks :) As promised I have tried to step straight back into my blogging, but I'm still a little late! As they say better late than never so let's get into it.

Today I could not resist taking the time to try one of my Glow & Co products, they've been calling out my name since I bought them! I decided to start with the Chasing Rainbows ballistic because it's so cute looking and the description on Glow's instagram was very tempting. The smell of this product is incredible as it transports me straight back to being an excitable kid in the sweet shop. This smells like a combination of all the different milk chocolate sweets you used to get in a pic'n'mix, the little white mice, the white buttons with sprinkles on top, the white milk bottles, it's a smell that took a while to remember but as soon as I did it gave me a huge grin. Once in the water it only got better, filling my bathroom with all kinds of pic'n'mix scents.

I love the design of this product, shaped like a cupcake with a cute little rainbow on top, it's something different from the usual ball shaped ballistic. The thing I love most about this ballistic though is what it does, I'll let Glow's instagram give you the low down : "Creamers - These bath bombs are little but luxurious. Packed full of moisturising properties they really are the perfect treat for your skin, leaving your skin completely moisturised and silky smooth. Not only do they do wonders for your skin but they look gorgeous and smell heavenly."

I could not agree with that description more, the smell really was heavenly and they left my skin feeling like silk. The water felt creamy and I could feel the smoothness of the moisturisers if I just run my hands along my skin in the bath. It turned my bath a foamy white on the top and there was a slight blue tint to the water.

My only tiny criticism of this is that it takes a long while to properly melt so it does let your bath water cool off a little, so I would advise to run your bath hotter than usual before you drop this little beauty in, definitely not a product to use when you are on the go! Although to be honest I would definitely say that using this ballistic in a rush would be such a waste, save it for a pamper evening when you can indulge in it's luxury until you wrinkle! ;)

At £2.25 it's a total bargain and they even package it up in the cute little bags with a ribbon that says "bomb cosmetics"- gorgeous. I really enjoyed this product, and I think knowing that it comes from such a small and personalised shop just makes it even better. Glow & Co have two locations, Basingstoke and Lymington, head over to their Facebook or any of the other links below and show them some love! Don't forget to tell them I sent you! :D

Puddy <3

Glow & Co's Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Glow-Co/211957398822171?fref=ts

Twitter: https://twitter.com/GlowAndCo

Instagram: glowandco

                                 

Discovering a gem.

Hi all, I'm back! I know in my last post I said I was out of hospital and raring to go, but apparently I jumped back into everything too soon, thus making myself more ill, whoops! So I've been taking it easy and giving my body time to catch up with my mind. Now that I am finally returning to work, I thought I'd come back to my comfortable corner of the internet :) I'm not sure when my YouTube will be back up, as that involves a lot of equipment set up, but fingers crossed I'll be able to throw something together by next Monday.

I wanted to pop on here and inform you of something that will shortly be coming up on my blog. I know, weird that I'm giving you a preview of a post, but I just can't wait to use the products to be able to review them! So I'm just going to give a little plug to this shop I found and enthuse about how excited I am to have discovered them :)

I recently went on a mini shopping trip with my friend Lily to Festival Place in Basingstoke and she dragged me into a little shop called Glow & Co. I didn't want to go in because I could see the bath products from outside, and I still have an entire drawer of Lush products to review but I am so glad that she did take me in there as the whole shop was adorable. It was not only bath and beauty products, but also candles, stationary and everything I could ever want under one roof. For now though, I'm going to focus on bath and beauty. Many of their adorable little bath bombs were shaped like the cutest cupcakes I have ever seen and they smelled amazing. Their prices are pretty reasonable, while on par if not slightly cheaper than Lush.

Thus far they have only two shops but I really feel they have the potential for far more in future, and at this early stage I'd just like to go public with my whole-hearted support of them. I will be posting reviews of each of the three products that I purchased from them in place of my Lush reviews for a little while, so I'm very much looking forward to that. Thanks for sticking by me through my time of absence and I look forward to spending more time in my internet happy place :)

Also a quick shout out to the Glow & Co team, thanks for being the first people to get me to write my blog down for you to check out, you made my day! :)  Head over to their Facebook and give it some love! :)

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Glow-Co/211957398822171

Where to find Glow&Co in Basingstoke:
http://www.festivalplace.co.uk/store_profile-4947.htm

Puddy <3

Life update.

A quick little post for the very few readers I have who are not personally involved in my life, apologies for my elongated absence. I had a very busy week 2 weeks ago, I had a Taylor Swift concert, driving test and my drive up to Middlesbrough all in one week. The gig was incredible, I will be posting separately on that, and I passed my driving test (huzzah!) so I now have freedom to roam and explore. Unfortunately I drove for 14 hours in total at the weekend to get to my bungee jump and back home, only for it to be cancelled 10 minutes before due to the high winds. As many of you know the weather in the UK has been pretty crazy recently, but I had been assured by their website announcing the jump was still on and their notice for cancellation that I would be okay. Not to fret though, it will most definitely be arranged once this weather is better settled, and even more importantly once my health is back up to scratch.

Another twist, the cancellation turned out to be a blessing in disguise as on Wednesday 12th Feb I was rushed into hospital by ambulance from work for excruciating stomach pain. Anyone who knows me will know that a few years ago this was a regular occurrence with me for my out of control Irritable Bowel Syndrome. This time however I was rushed into theatre for emergency surgery at 11pm. I had acute appendicitis and by the time they opened me up to remove it, the blooming thing had perforated and was leaking puss and all that lovely stuff into my pelvis. Apparently according to just about every doctor or nurse I have spoken to in the hospital during my stay, my appendix was particularly nasty and infected. This also lead to complications where I had to stay in hospital for 5 days on IV antibiotics to fight off anything that might remain of the infection in my body, and a few days later there were further warning bells. I started vomiting very suddenly and since my bowels hadn't opened since before the surgery they were concerned that bowel was temporarily paralysed and that I may have food literally rotting in my stomach unable to move through me.

The plan was to put a tube up my nose, down my throat and into my stomach and to pump the contents out every 4 hours until my bowels began to move naturally. Unfortunately this whole experience was very dramatic for me, from being completely unable to control my breathing the first time to gagging and causing the tube to ping back out of my mouth the second time. They were unable to enter the tube at all and decided it would cause me too much trauma to try again seeing as I turned from purple to white within minutes. Fortunately for me, I did not vomit again after this (perhaps my fear of the tube held it in) and after a couple of days I managed to eat and function again well enough to go home.

So that's whats new with me. I'm at home and signed off work for a while with bed rest, as I am still very sore and as you can imagine very tired. Most frustratingly of all I now can't drive for at least 2 weeks, having only just gained my freedom a mere 11 days ago! I just wanted to tell this little story to remind you that even when things seems really crap, everything happens for a reason, sometimes that reason is too big for us to see. If I had done that bungee jump with an appendix ready to burst I could have done some serious damage to myself, I was also supposed to be on a holiday in Rome with my friend the week after, when my appendix did burst, but we couldn't go. I'll just count both as a blessing in disguise for now.

"Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes" - Oscar Wilde.

Another thoughtful little post today, I guess I'm reflecting more lately. I feel more compelled to share my feelings, like somehow that could help someone. If only one young person heading down the same road as I stumbles across this page, it might inspire them to take a different path. Or maybe help someone lost to rediscover themselves. I don't know. I realise my blog doesn't reach that many people, but as I start to change my life and myself, I find myself thinking of all the other people on the same journey as me, but all at different stages. I feel responsible for those people, like sharing the journey means dragging each other along. I think of all the stupid and painful things I've done along the way, the mistakes I've made, some of which still cause such crippling guilt and anxiety that I have to quickly force them from my mind, until I feel ready to deal with them. Not yet.

I've tried to create a place of positivity here, somewhere that people who relate to my story can come and feel hopeful. But I don't want to create the impression that you can simply choose to change and your life will immediately become wonderful. It takes work. It takes courage. It takes the will to fight everything you've ever known and everything you are. Sometimes that will wanes, and you end up relapsing, staring into the face of your demons. These are the hardest times of all.

I do not claim that this journey is easy, and not every part of it is positive. There's a lot of things I am yet to face, a lot of secrets in my heart that will one day escape and knock me back a few steps. The fear of that happening is ultimately what stops me from progressing any faster. I sometimes think it would be easier to simply air everything, to face it all at once so that I can move on, but I fear the damage that would cause to myself and those around me. I doubt that would help, mainly because some of these things may never be revealed, and that was always the preferable course. Were it my choice, none of these things would ever leave my heart, but unfortunately, as with most mistakes, they involve others.

People are my weakness. People are the weakness of us all. Those low, depraved people whose lives are as messy as yours, they are the only people you feel can understand you. They become the only people you have, the only people you seek out. Sadly, they become the people you trust. Those you choose to trust in your time of deepest need are often those who betray you once you decide to recover and rise far above them. I fear that every day.

The hardest part of these secrets is my own judgement of them. I cannot justify them, even when I see the same things in other people and can understand that the circumstances more than explain the actions. I know that one day, I will need professional help to deal with them, the only part of me that I can't fix alone. I can preach positivity, change, confidence but at the end of the day we all have some demons that even we can't banish.

I guess the message I'm trying to give is that you are not alone. No matter how messed up you feel, how sick, how wrong, we ALL have demons, every one of us. Some of us are simply better at hiding them than others. Others are more fortunate, of sounder mind. I would imagine someone who has never struggled with depression, anxiety or any kind of mental illness would have greater control of their demons, and would make far less mistakes as a result. I envy those people. And yet I also look up to them.

At the end of the day, the only person that can confront your mistakes is you. You are the only person that can fix it. You just have to be brave enough to face it. Remember, once you do, they can't haunt you any more, and there will be nothing left to stop you from racing through the rest of your journey. You can become whoever you want, the only obstacle is you.

Puddy <3

Lush Wednesday's: Christmas Eve Bubble Bar.

Hi guys, welcome back! It's time for another Lush review, woop woop!

This week I am reviewing the Christmas Eve bubble bar. Sadly this is no longer available in stores or online, and won't be until the next festive season, but I still felt compelled to review it as it's something I have recently used and loved. This product has a very non specific smell, one that can only be described as "flowers". That doesn't mean to say however, that it is a bad smell. Before I had even dropped it into the water my bathroom smelt like a sweet meadow.

Once in the water it fizzed into a moss green colour, combining the yellow and blue sides of the ballistic. The colour changed shades as it spread around the bath, and finally turned a darker shade of mint, almost like mouthwash. The bubbles it created were insane, I've never had a product create so many! I actually ended up stopping the bath and having to start it again because it looked like it was about to flow over. It felt like I was having a bath in a cotton candy machine. The water felt lovely and soft.  Afterwards my skin was definitely feeling moisturised and actually felt softer already. All in all a great product and something I look forward to using in future.

I'm the best thing that never happened to you.

They say that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again expecting different results, but I'm not sure I agree with that. I've seen plenty of crazy people, and they only need to do something once to know it's stupid. Whereas us 'normal people' can go an entire a life time making the same mistakes, especially in love, without learning to just stop doing it.

I must admit that I am one of those such people. Sometimes it's just easier to be optimistic about the situation, or to believe in someone proving you wrong, than it is to face the truth even when it's staring you in face. Sometimes you just want something so bad that you can't accept that it isn't possible to have it. When it comes to your emotions it's near on impossible to control them and as I've said many times before, the heart wants what the heart wants.

I've been living my life very differently in the past year. I'm learning that most of the time the pain of regret, the pain that comes from taking a chance, is better than the regret of living in caution. Every now and then, it's better to take a chance on something or someone, even if you're 99% sure that it's going to go wrong, because otherwise the regret of "what if" will eat you up inside. I decided to start biting the bullet and dealing with consequences afterwards. Mostly it's been working well for me, and I've had some great experiences because of it. But this time I've been burnt.

For the last few months I've been behaving like a pathetic beat up puppy, living with the "what if's" after following my brain instead of my heart and deciding not to take a chance on someone. I've been moping around feeling very sorry for myself, and literally feeling withdrawal for not allowing myself to see this person while I tried to deal with my attraction to them. I was keeping my hurt at bay most of the time by convincing myself that one day I'd be capable of being friends with them. But a lot of the time I was having huge pangs of hurt over the deprival of not sharing my feelings with them. It was eating me up inside and at the same time causing me to feel really angry at myself for being so totally out of character over someone who I already knew I could not pursue anything with. I knew it wasn't worth the risk of rejection, nor the time wasted on a relationship that I could already see wouldn't work.

Eventually, I figured if I was suffering this badly already, then how much worse could it get if I got hurt? So I reached out a little, and tested the waters. And the waters did, as predicted, burn me. I'm really angry at myself for being so weak and ignoring my better judgement over some stupid soppy feelings. But at the same time I'm incredibly proud of myself for putting my feelings out there and risking my biggest fear: rejection. It's helped me to realise that it's not so bad. I was rejected a hell of a lot by stupid boys when I was younger, and I survived. As an adult confident woman who knows herself and is proud of herself, what have I got to fear? That one guy I like won't want me back? I have survived far worse in my life so far, and I am sure I will experience many more worse situations yet.

It turns out that finding out I was exactly right in my prediction was just what I needed and now I am back on the path of being single, happy and doing whatever I want. Because let's face it, I don't need a man telling me he's scared for me to bungee jump, or that he doesn't want me to go away with just my girl mate and would rather I went with him, or not to spend the evening in my jammies looking like I've been dragged through a bush backwards cuz it turns him off. Screw that. I do what I want when I want. Thug life.

Puddy <3

Lush Wednesday's: Dragon's Egg Review.

Hi and welcome to the new feature: Lush Wednesday's. This is where I will try (and most likely fail) to write a Lush review, or some sort of Lush related post, until I run out of my stash. So let's get started!

Recently I tried out a new bath bomb that I got for Christmas from my friend Lily. I've been more than a little addicted to the smell since I first put in my drawer a few weeks ago. I can't really explain what it smells of, but for now let's just call it heaven. This was a rather large bath bomb, so it felt a real shame to use it all on one bath, but it was so worth it!

It makes the whole room smell divine and unlike the Golden Wonder it actually produces a reasonable amount of bubbles too. It also makes the water feel really soft and luxuries, and my skin felt wonderful afterwards. I have to say, the scent on my skin lasted easily 24 hours which was really impressive. Now for the downside, after the wonderful display that the Golden Wonder gave me I have to say that on the show and dance scale, the Dragons Egg left me a little disappointed. It swirled around for a really long time but eventually all it really did was make a really thin later of bubbles, turn my water slightly yellow and make a big orange splodge in the bubbles. Don't get me wrong, the smell more than makes after that, but after glitter, dissolvable stars and beautiful aqua coloured water from the GW, I was looking for a little more.

All in all it was a lovely product and not bad at all for £3.50. Surprisingly even after my complaints with it's show of seduction, I have to admit it is now my favourite bath product and I will certainly be using more of these in the future. For some pics of the action, look at the bottom of the post. Until next week amigos!

Puddy <3

Awwh, it made me a love heart!

Only in my life.

Do you ever feel like things happen to you that don't happen to normal people? I do all the time, especially as of late. Myself and a good friend of mine live like we are in a tv show, like it's a constant comedy of ridiculous and unbelievable things happening to us except there's no audience, there's only us suffering. Don't even get me started on when we get together, cuz then some seriously weird things start to occur and stories are told that our friends won't even believe!

Recently, I decided to finally take the leap from an iPhone 3GS to an iPhone 5S. Shockingly not having £600 in cash on me, I went to the apple store to discuss finance with them. After a lengthly chat with the salesman and highly time consuming finance application, I got my new toy. Only at the end did the guy tell me that I needed a new tiny sim to use in my new phone, and that I needed a sim swap to change my contract over to the tiny sim. He then tells me that is not something that the Apple store can do. I need to go to the 3 store. Now, Apple is in the big shopping centre local to me that stays open until 8pm. The 3 store is on the high street. At this point, it is about 7.10pm and I have made the effort to take the train into town straight from work. Had I realised that I needed to do the sim swap earlier I'd have prioritised the 3 store first, but no I wasn't aware. I run to the store but inevitably it is closed.

I text my mate to swap shifts with me tomorrow so I can pop into town in the morning before work and sadly take my unusable phone home in its little box. In the morning I realise that getting to town at opening hours, doing the sim swap and getting the train to work by 10am is more than ambitious. I decide to instead go straight to town from work again, even though I'm shattered. Anyway, after a long day I get to the 3 store and ask them for a sim swap as instructed. I hand over my ancient iPhone 3 with an excited grin. And the guy behind the counter promptly takes out the sim and cuts it up. I feel like my life has ended. I don't know why he has done this, and I'm pretty terrified, but I thank him none the less and take my tiny little remaining sim out of the shop with me. I'm really quite shaken, but I calm myself down and decide that they clearly know what they are doing. I tell myself to stop being a drama queen.

To make myself feel better I decide to go to New Look to find a new handbag, as the one I've been using is too small for my work stuff and the bigger one I changed to is ancient and falling apart as it's from Primark. I am pleased to find upon entering that their stock has changed, as previously I had not been able to find anything I liked, and took my time browsing the many new options. I pick out one that I really like and take it proudly to the till. A very attractive young lad stands behind the till so I try to play cool. I pay for the bag, and as he hands me my shiny new purchase, the bag I'm wearing suddenly snaps and falls to the ground. Yup. The second my new handbag touches my hand, the strap on the one I'm wearing breaks and the bag throws itself on the floor in rebellion. I blushed heavily and quickly the scoop the old one up, trying to casually laugh and say, "well that's the end of that one". I hurry out of the store.

At this point I realise I've been in town a while and it dawns on me that without a sim in either phone no one is able to contact me. I sit down in the shopping centre and try to set my phone up, but the damn sim slot wont open. Frustrated I hurry into the Apple store and bashfully ask one of the guys if they can put the sim in for me. When I take it out, he eyes it suspiciously and I explain the 3 store dilemma. The Apple guy looks as if he may fall of his chair. He tells me that this is something that the 3 guy should absolutely not have done as it is not a guaranteed solution and that the sim swap is something they can easily do in 5 minutes. When he tries to enter the sim, it doesn't fit. He is unable to do a sim swap in store. It won't fit back into my old phone either. I start to panic as I realise I can't even call one of my techie friends for help. I have no phone. Sensing my panic, the Apple guy apologises profusely for my experience. I tell him it's not his fault, but still am hyperventilating at the revelation that I have no phone to use. I cave and end up buying another sim card from the Apple store just so I can call my mum and shout about the whole experience. The guy was super nice and helped me to set up my phone and get to the point where I could make calls.

I got home and fortunately my dad managed to cut it down slightly more and make it fit. Now I have an iPhone 5S woo hoo. Then a day later my car broke down. Only in my life.

The point of this post was more or less to let you guys know that these ridiculous, unbelievable, frustrating things do in fact happen to us all. You are not alone. Just remember that at the end of the day, it's not all that bad and you can always at least make a good blog post about it ;)

Puddy <3

Christmas Haul 2013

Hey all!

Just a quick post to let you know that my Christmas Haul 2013 video is all edited and uploaded to YouTube, yay! I tried to embed it below so you guys could watch it on this page, but the stupid tool won't find the video grr! So here is the link below. Please show it some love :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGYkWdzdrNw&feature=c4-overview&list=UURMMeFTAy-HFYSQwC6DlNLA

Puddy <3

Reflections on 2012, thanks for 2013 and welcoming in 2014.

Well, 2013... I can't say that I'm sad you are gone. It's no secret to most people that the past 24 months have been a pretty turbulent period of my life. There have been some dark moments, feelings I will never forget, and actions I may never cease to regret. However, there has also been an incredible surge of hope, a sense of self and an optimism for the future that I have not felt in all my life.

2012 introduced me to a part of myself that I had hoped to never see again. It was a painful empty time where all of my feelings seemed to have become numb after my constant over use and abuse of them. My world was turned on it's head and there seemed to be no one that could reach me in my bubble. I had lost all motivation to continue in life, and wished more than anything to simply close my eyes and go to sleep, to not have to face myself again. There is no denying it was painful, and even looking back on it now I can feel the tugs of emptiness in my heart. But as strange as it sounds, I must admit that I am glad of the pain. I am thankful of the experiences I had, and the people who put themselves on the edge beside me to help me realise how close I was to falling. And eventually, one fateful, endless evening lying on my bedroom floor, clutching my large collection of various pain killers from the hospital, I fell from the edge. I spent an eternity in that dark void, trying with the last scrap of my strength to turn up the volume on the desperate voice in the back of my head. My voice, the one that has fought for years to be heard, to be acknowledged, telling me not to take the pills.

That night, albeit the darkest night of my life, finally snapped me. The voice of the person I had always meant to become spoke louder than I knew it could. It reminded me of all the things I had yet to do, the dreams I had once cherished, and most of all it reminded me that if I gave in now it would be admitting defeat to all the cruel people that had buried me in my hole of depression for the past ten years.

So, although with a weak, slow and frightened approach, I got up off the floor and I started to fight. There were many tears, panic attacks, episodes of sickness, friendships lost and actions regretted along the way. I made mistakes, there is no doubting that, some of them I will never be able to take back. But I fought. And it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. There is not a chance on earth that I would have made it without the people who stayed by my side, even when I was at my absolute worst, when I was volatile, terrified, sick, vulnerable, angry and exhausted.

To everyone's surprise including my own, I somehow made it to 2013. And I was actually doing alright. I had my first "proper job" and for once I wasn't working with people who bullied me. I started to take trips across the country to visit friends I hadn't seen in a while, and in March 2013 I bought my own car. This was a huge turning point for me, as I had come to think that I would never be able to drive, not much helped by being told so by some greatly negative influences in my life. Also in March I braved starting my own gaming channel with my brother, that sadly would not last long due to my lack of commitment while recovering from depression and anxiety (and in general!) but set the seed in my mind to return to at some point.

In April, a few of my friends began the difficult journey of teaching me to drive, as did my parents, and many a terrifying road trip took place. In May, my temporary contract at my job suddenly ended, and things were turned on their head for a while. Nonetheless, I bought a Merlin Pass and started to enjoy my time off for summer with my friends, and many more road trips aka driving practise to and from the attractions. I also made a new friend called Jonny, who became a staple broseph in my little clan :)

Moving on to June I introduced one of my best friends to clubbing, discovered Pewdiepie on YouTube and spent yet more time at theme parks with my friends. In July I started a new job that meant getting up at 5.30am 5 days a week, and it pretty much killed everything outside of my work life for a while. Still I managed to watch This is the End with my friends (one of my fondest memories of the year for laughing hysterically throughout) and went on a terrifying rollercoaster with Jonny.

August bought an awesome geek trip to London for my birthday, my 3rd attempt in 6 years at a nose piercing, I introduced one of my best mates to the magic that is Les Miserables, went to an advance preview of About Time with my mum and it became our favourite movie ever and made a stop motion video with one of my besties. In September I re-launched my blogging, starting to post regularly to my PuddyGeeks blog! I also met some amazing new friends and got pestered by numerous relatives for being single.

I really enjoyed scaring the crap out of some kids for Halloween, and experimenting to make some hella creepy zombie make up for a night on the town. Sadly also in October I failed my driving test twice and my beautiful dog Tia who had been a part of our family for nearly 13 years suddenly had to be put down. It happened the night before my mums birthday, and so I had to delay my surprise trip to London and tickets to Les Miserables for her and myself. ALSO, I quit my job, booked my solo trip to Barcelona for November, bought tickets to see Taylor Swift with one of my best friends in Feb '14, and got ridiculously drunk on a night out with Jonny, felt like a teenager again. It was a very eventful month.

In November I went to London for the day with mum for the first time and took her to see Les Mis for the first time in 10 years. She spent 10 years hinting that she'd love to see it again. I also took a life changing trip to Barcelona for 5 days completely by myself. Both of these experiences can be found in detail on my blog ;) I also went to a New Look Spring/Summer VIP preview, realised I had left my designer glasses in Barcelona and returned to my original employer where I was happy, in an even better position that I had been in before!

Finally in December I went to see the Lion King in London for one of my best friends 23rd birthday, visited my friend in hospital, started an Indiegogo campaign and booked a bungee jump to buy a new wheelchair for my friend, shared my 12-18 month bucket list with all of you, finally posted my Geek On-Tour Barcelona video, opened a pinterest, tumblr and google+ to become more involved online, bought my first Macbook to show commitment to my blog and YouTube, bought professional soft lights for my videos, congratulated my cousin on her engagement, and had my most expensive and interactive family Christmas yet.

I guess the point I am trying to make by sharing all this information is that you really never do know what is around the corner. NEVER give up, no matter how bad life gets, because only you have the power to change it and the only thing that will come of you ending your life here is that you will not achieve all those things you dreamt of nor will you become that person that shows the world what you're worth even after everything you have been through. Only you can change it, and most importantly only you can change yourself.

I look back at the past 2 years and I can hardly recognise myself. I know I still have a heck of a way to go to becoming that person who owns the voice in the back of my head, but now I look forward to it, and the person I was 2 years ago didn't even want to become her any more. I'm becoming someone who is self sure, strong and optimistic and that's something I have never been. Every day I can feel my perspective of the world changing a step at a time and I feel like my eyes are finally starting to perceive the beauty and all the opportunities around me. I am the master of my life, my body, my heart and my soul and you had better believe that I will protect them with everything I have. I'm not afraid any more, not of everything. I still get scared, sometimes things overwhelm me or sometimes I have to deal with something I'm not quite over yet. The difference is, I no longer spend 99% of my life in fear, and that is something I am truly proud of.

This next year is going to bring in more change than the past two combined, and to help keep myself on track I plan on writing something positive that happened each day on my calendar and scanning it onto my blog for you all to follow my journey with me at the end of each month. Thank you to each and every one of you, however few that is, for supporting me on this journey. I sincerely hope that this page can help at least one of you to pull yourself back from that edge just long enough to see everything that you can have if you choose to.

I will be sharing my favourite photos of the year, and photos associated with the events above on another post if any of you are interested! If you would like to see them leave a comment below :)

Puddy <3