Okay, okay I suck at blogging, I am a terrible blogger. I am going to try and write all of this weeks posts in advance so I fail less this week, but we'll see :P
I was thinking earlier of coming on here and writing something really inspirational and fluffy. But now I'm really tired so instead you are stuck with the hopeless wonderings of my tired mind...with some fluffy inspirational stuff sprinkled on top wherever I manage.
Recently, I've thought about inspiration and what makes someone inspirational. What are the requirements to being a good role model? How do we know whether someone's actions are inspirational, or just good? What causes us to want to be like someone else? It's got me wondering if I really should be comparing myself to other people that I admire, or if I should be spending more time on becoming the person I want to be. Perhaps instead I should be my own inspiration.
I've been looking back again, comparing the person I am not to a 6 months ago, a year ago, two years ago. I've discovered that actually, the changes I've made to my life and my way of thinking are quite inspirational, in the way that they drive me to continue evolving. For once, I can say that I am proud of the person I'm becoming, step by step, even if I stumble and relapse here and there.
Life is full of surprises they say, and I'm beginning to learn how true that is. On more than one occasion, I've blogged about how much people can improve an already awesome experience, and it's been a constant learning curve during the ups and downs of changing my lifestyle. I have many incredible people in my life who help me every day to remember to smile and keep positive, but right now I'd like to tell you about one in particular who has really shown me how quickly things can change.
A couple of months ago, my company took on a new recruit, and I was pretty excited as she was the first person anywhere near my age to join in a while. It took literally around 2 shifts before I realised that this girl was about to change my day to day life majorly. She kept cracking me up with the way she was so relaxed, and so unforgivingly confident and we actually clicked in no time. We were gossiping about our love lives, and getting to know that our backstories really weren't all that different. I invited her on a night out as she had never been to town and we laughed our hearts out from getting dressed in my room, to having to run for the train, to stumbling home with cheesey chips at 2am. Not long after that I got pretty sick with my appendicitis, and not only did she come to visit me in the hospital, but she organised a collection around work that bought me a lovely orchid plant, some chocolates and a card signed by all my colleagues. Since then, we've been joined at the hip, and generally spend most of our time cackling in the corner of the office like naughty school girls. I absolutely adore her and I couldn't imagine my life without her. As I posted on Facebook earlier, a friend that within a month of knowing you, runs to get you a bin, holds in front of you while you are sick, pushes your wet hair out of your face, and walks backwards down the stairs to keep the bin in front of you while you walk to an ambulance is a friend for life. I love you Sarah you munchkin <3
There's a few more lovely people that have cropped up from nowhere, one in particular recently (if you're mad enough to be reading this, big kiss to you!) that have helped remind me that you never know what's around the corner. Two years ago I would never have been brave enough to get to know any of these people, but I'm so glad I did because they serve as a constant reminder that only I can decide who I am, where my life goes and how I let my past affect me.
One last thought: the things that happened to you made you who you are today, and whether you are proud of them or not, you shouldn't regret them. However they don't have to shape who you become from now on, that is entirely your choice, so don't let anyone take it away from you.
Lots of love and happy thoughts
Puddy <3
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Monday, 31 March 2014
Monday, 17 February 2014
Life update.
A quick little post for the very few readers I have who are not personally involved in my life, apologies for my elongated absence. I had a very busy week 2 weeks ago, I had a Taylor Swift concert, driving test and my drive up to Middlesbrough all in one week. The gig was incredible, I will be posting separately on that, and I passed my driving test (huzzah!) so I now have freedom to roam and explore. Unfortunately I drove for 14 hours in total at the weekend to get to my bungee jump and back home, only for it to be cancelled 10 minutes before due to the high winds. As many of you know the weather in the UK has been pretty crazy recently, but I had been assured by their website announcing the jump was still on and their notice for cancellation that I would be okay. Not to fret though, it will most definitely be arranged once this weather is better settled, and even more importantly once my health is back up to scratch.
Another twist, the cancellation turned out to be a blessing in disguise as on Wednesday 12th Feb I was rushed into hospital by ambulance from work for excruciating stomach pain. Anyone who knows me will know that a few years ago this was a regular occurrence with me for my out of control Irritable Bowel Syndrome. This time however I was rushed into theatre for emergency surgery at 11pm. I had acute appendicitis and by the time they opened me up to remove it, the blooming thing had perforated and was leaking puss and all that lovely stuff into my pelvis. Apparently according to just about every doctor or nurse I have spoken to in the hospital during my stay, my appendix was particularly nasty and infected. This also lead to complications where I had to stay in hospital for 5 days on IV antibiotics to fight off anything that might remain of the infection in my body, and a few days later there were further warning bells. I started vomiting very suddenly and since my bowels hadn't opened since before the surgery they were concerned that bowel was temporarily paralysed and that I may have food literally rotting in my stomach unable to move through me.
The plan was to put a tube up my nose, down my throat and into my stomach and to pump the contents out every 4 hours until my bowels began to move naturally. Unfortunately this whole experience was very dramatic for me, from being completely unable to control my breathing the first time to gagging and causing the tube to ping back out of my mouth the second time. They were unable to enter the tube at all and decided it would cause me too much trauma to try again seeing as I turned from purple to white within minutes. Fortunately for me, I did not vomit again after this (perhaps my fear of the tube held it in) and after a couple of days I managed to eat and function again well enough to go home.
So that's whats new with me. I'm at home and signed off work for a while with bed rest, as I am still very sore and as you can imagine very tired. Most frustratingly of all I now can't drive for at least 2 weeks, having only just gained my freedom a mere 11 days ago! I just wanted to tell this little story to remind you that even when things seems really crap, everything happens for a reason, sometimes that reason is too big for us to see. If I had done that bungee jump with an appendix ready to burst I could have done some serious damage to myself, I was also supposed to be on a holiday in Rome with my friend the week after, when my appendix did burst, but we couldn't go. I'll just count both as a blessing in disguise for now.
Friday, 31 January 2014
"Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes" - Oscar Wilde.
Another thoughtful little post today, I guess I'm reflecting more lately. I feel more compelled to share my feelings, like somehow that could help someone. If only one young person heading down the same road as I stumbles across this page, it might inspire them to take a different path. Or maybe help someone lost to rediscover themselves. I don't know. I realise my blog doesn't reach that many people, but as I start to change my life and myself, I find myself thinking of all the other people on the same journey as me, but all at different stages. I feel responsible for those people, like sharing the journey means dragging each other along. I think of all the stupid and painful things I've done along the way, the mistakes I've made, some of which still cause such crippling guilt and anxiety that I have to quickly force them from my mind, until I feel ready to deal with them. Not yet.
I've tried to create a place of positivity here, somewhere that people who relate to my story can come and feel hopeful. But I don't want to create the impression that you can simply choose to change and your life will immediately become wonderful. It takes work. It takes courage. It takes the will to fight everything you've ever known and everything you are. Sometimes that will wanes, and you end up relapsing, staring into the face of your demons. These are the hardest times of all.
I do not claim that this journey is easy, and not every part of it is positive. There's a lot of things I am yet to face, a lot of secrets in my heart that will one day escape and knock me back a few steps. The fear of that happening is ultimately what stops me from progressing any faster. I sometimes think it would be easier to simply air everything, to face it all at once so that I can move on, but I fear the damage that would cause to myself and those around me. I doubt that would help, mainly because some of these things may never be revealed, and that was always the preferable course. Were it my choice, none of these things would ever leave my heart, but unfortunately, as with most mistakes, they involve others.
People are my weakness. People are the weakness of us all. Those low, depraved people whose lives are as messy as yours, they are the only people you feel can understand you. They become the only people you have, the only people you seek out. Sadly, they become the people you trust. Those you choose to trust in your time of deepest need are often those who betray you once you decide to recover and rise far above them. I fear that every day.
The hardest part of these secrets is my own judgement of them. I cannot justify them, even when I see the same things in other people and can understand that the circumstances more than explain the actions. I know that one day, I will need professional help to deal with them, the only part of me that I can't fix alone. I can preach positivity, change, confidence but at the end of the day we all have some demons that even we can't banish.
I guess the message I'm trying to give is that you are not alone. No matter how messed up you feel, how sick, how wrong, we ALL have demons, every one of us. Some of us are simply better at hiding them than others. Others are more fortunate, of sounder mind. I would imagine someone who has never struggled with depression, anxiety or any kind of mental illness would have greater control of their demons, and would make far less mistakes as a result. I envy those people. And yet I also look up to them.
At the end of the day, the only person that can confront your mistakes is you. You are the only person that can fix it. You just have to be brave enough to face it. Remember, once you do, they can't haunt you any more, and there will be nothing left to stop you from racing through the rest of your journey. You can become whoever you want, the only obstacle is you.
Puddy <3
I've tried to create a place of positivity here, somewhere that people who relate to my story can come and feel hopeful. But I don't want to create the impression that you can simply choose to change and your life will immediately become wonderful. It takes work. It takes courage. It takes the will to fight everything you've ever known and everything you are. Sometimes that will wanes, and you end up relapsing, staring into the face of your demons. These are the hardest times of all.
I do not claim that this journey is easy, and not every part of it is positive. There's a lot of things I am yet to face, a lot of secrets in my heart that will one day escape and knock me back a few steps. The fear of that happening is ultimately what stops me from progressing any faster. I sometimes think it would be easier to simply air everything, to face it all at once so that I can move on, but I fear the damage that would cause to myself and those around me. I doubt that would help, mainly because some of these things may never be revealed, and that was always the preferable course. Were it my choice, none of these things would ever leave my heart, but unfortunately, as with most mistakes, they involve others.
People are my weakness. People are the weakness of us all. Those low, depraved people whose lives are as messy as yours, they are the only people you feel can understand you. They become the only people you have, the only people you seek out. Sadly, they become the people you trust. Those you choose to trust in your time of deepest need are often those who betray you once you decide to recover and rise far above them. I fear that every day.
The hardest part of these secrets is my own judgement of them. I cannot justify them, even when I see the same things in other people and can understand that the circumstances more than explain the actions. I know that one day, I will need professional help to deal with them, the only part of me that I can't fix alone. I can preach positivity, change, confidence but at the end of the day we all have some demons that even we can't banish.
I guess the message I'm trying to give is that you are not alone. No matter how messed up you feel, how sick, how wrong, we ALL have demons, every one of us. Some of us are simply better at hiding them than others. Others are more fortunate, of sounder mind. I would imagine someone who has never struggled with depression, anxiety or any kind of mental illness would have greater control of their demons, and would make far less mistakes as a result. I envy those people. And yet I also look up to them.
At the end of the day, the only person that can confront your mistakes is you. You are the only person that can fix it. You just have to be brave enough to face it. Remember, once you do, they can't haunt you any more, and there will be nothing left to stop you from racing through the rest of your journey. You can become whoever you want, the only obstacle is you.
Puddy <3
Friday, 3 January 2014
Reflections on 2012, thanks for 2013 and welcoming in 2014.
Well, 2013... I can't say that I'm sad you are gone. It's no secret to most people that the past 24 months have been a pretty turbulent period of my life. There have been some dark moments, feelings I will never forget, and actions I may never cease to regret. However, there has also been an incredible surge of hope, a sense of self and an optimism for the future that I have not felt in all my life.
2012 introduced me to a part of myself that I had hoped to never see again. It was a painful empty time where all of my feelings seemed to have become numb after my constant over use and abuse of them. My world was turned on it's head and there seemed to be no one that could reach me in my bubble. I had lost all motivation to continue in life, and wished more than anything to simply close my eyes and go to sleep, to not have to face myself again. There is no denying it was painful, and even looking back on it now I can feel the tugs of emptiness in my heart. But as strange as it sounds, I must admit that I am glad of the pain. I am thankful of the experiences I had, and the people who put themselves on the edge beside me to help me realise how close I was to falling. And eventually, one fateful, endless evening lying on my bedroom floor, clutching my large collection of various pain killers from the hospital, I fell from the edge. I spent an eternity in that dark void, trying with the last scrap of my strength to turn up the volume on the desperate voice in the back of my head. My voice, the one that has fought for years to be heard, to be acknowledged, telling me not to take the pills.
That night, albeit the darkest night of my life, finally snapped me. The voice of the person I had always meant to become spoke louder than I knew it could. It reminded me of all the things I had yet to do, the dreams I had once cherished, and most of all it reminded me that if I gave in now it would be admitting defeat to all the cruel people that had buried me in my hole of depression for the past ten years.
So, although with a weak, slow and frightened approach, I got up off the floor and I started to fight. There were many tears, panic attacks, episodes of sickness, friendships lost and actions regretted along the way. I made mistakes, there is no doubting that, some of them I will never be able to take back. But I fought. And it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. There is not a chance on earth that I would have made it without the people who stayed by my side, even when I was at my absolute worst, when I was volatile, terrified, sick, vulnerable, angry and exhausted.
To everyone's surprise including my own, I somehow made it to 2013. And I was actually doing alright. I had my first "proper job" and for once I wasn't working with people who bullied me. I started to take trips across the country to visit friends I hadn't seen in a while, and in March 2013 I bought my own car. This was a huge turning point for me, as I had come to think that I would never be able to drive, not much helped by being told so by some greatly negative influences in my life. Also in March I braved starting my own gaming channel with my brother, that sadly would not last long due to my lack of commitment while recovering from depression and anxiety (and in general!) but set the seed in my mind to return to at some point.
In April, a few of my friends began the difficult journey of teaching me to drive, as did my parents, and many a terrifying road trip took place. In May, my temporary contract at my job suddenly ended, and things were turned on their head for a while. Nonetheless, I bought a Merlin Pass and started to enjoy my time off for summer with my friends, and many more road trips aka driving practise to and from the attractions. I also made a new friend called Jonny, who became a staple broseph in my little clan :)
Moving on to June I introduced one of my best friends to clubbing, discovered Pewdiepie on YouTube and spent yet more time at theme parks with my friends. In July I started a new job that meant getting up at 5.30am 5 days a week, and it pretty much killed everything outside of my work life for a while. Still I managed to watch This is the End with my friends (one of my fondest memories of the year for laughing hysterically throughout) and went on a terrifying rollercoaster with Jonny.
August bought an awesome geek trip to London for my birthday, my 3rd attempt in 6 years at a nose piercing, I introduced one of my best mates to the magic that is Les Miserables, went to an advance preview of About Time with my mum and it became our favourite movie ever and made a stop motion video with one of my besties. In September I re-launched my blogging, starting to post regularly to my PuddyGeeks blog! I also met some amazing new friends and got pestered by numerous relatives for being single.
I really enjoyed scaring the crap out of some kids for Halloween, and experimenting to make some hella creepy zombie make up for a night on the town. Sadly also in October I failed my driving test twice and my beautiful dog Tia who had been a part of our family for nearly 13 years suddenly had to be put down. It happened the night before my mums birthday, and so I had to delay my surprise trip to London and tickets to Les Miserables for her and myself. ALSO, I quit my job, booked my solo trip to Barcelona for November, bought tickets to see Taylor Swift with one of my best friends in Feb '14, and got ridiculously drunk on a night out with Jonny, felt like a teenager again. It was a very eventful month.
In November I went to London for the day with mum for the first time and took her to see Les Mis for the first time in 10 years. She spent 10 years hinting that she'd love to see it again. I also took a life changing trip to Barcelona for 5 days completely by myself. Both of these experiences can be found in detail on my blog ;) I also went to a New Look Spring/Summer VIP preview, realised I had left my designer glasses in Barcelona and returned to my original employer where I was happy, in an even better position that I had been in before!
Finally in December I went to see the Lion King in London for one of my best friends 23rd birthday, visited my friend in hospital, started an Indiegogo campaign and booked a bungee jump to buy a new wheelchair for my friend, shared my 12-18 month bucket list with all of you, finally posted my Geek On-Tour Barcelona video, opened a pinterest, tumblr and google+ to become more involved online, bought my first Macbook to show commitment to my blog and YouTube, bought professional soft lights for my videos, congratulated my cousin on her engagement, and had my most expensive and interactive family Christmas yet.
I guess the point I am trying to make by sharing all this information is that you really never do know what is around the corner. NEVER give up, no matter how bad life gets, because only you have the power to change it and the only thing that will come of you ending your life here is that you will not achieve all those things you dreamt of nor will you become that person that shows the world what you're worth even after everything you have been through. Only you can change it, and most importantly only you can change yourself.
I look back at the past 2 years and I can hardly recognise myself. I know I still have a heck of a way to go to becoming that person who owns the voice in the back of my head, but now I look forward to it, and the person I was 2 years ago didn't even want to become her any more. I'm becoming someone who is self sure, strong and optimistic and that's something I have never been. Every day I can feel my perspective of the world changing a step at a time and I feel like my eyes are finally starting to perceive the beauty and all the opportunities around me. I am the master of my life, my body, my heart and my soul and you had better believe that I will protect them with everything I have. I'm not afraid any more, not of everything. I still get scared, sometimes things overwhelm me or sometimes I have to deal with something I'm not quite over yet. The difference is, I no longer spend 99% of my life in fear, and that is something I am truly proud of.
This next year is going to bring in more change than the past two combined, and to help keep myself on track I plan on writing something positive that happened each day on my calendar and scanning it onto my blog for you all to follow my journey with me at the end of each month. Thank you to each and every one of you, however few that is, for supporting me on this journey. I sincerely hope that this page can help at least one of you to pull yourself back from that edge just long enough to see everything that you can have if you choose to.
I will be sharing my favourite photos of the year, and photos associated with the events above on another post if any of you are interested! If you would like to see them leave a comment below :)
Puddy <3
2012 introduced me to a part of myself that I had hoped to never see again. It was a painful empty time where all of my feelings seemed to have become numb after my constant over use and abuse of them. My world was turned on it's head and there seemed to be no one that could reach me in my bubble. I had lost all motivation to continue in life, and wished more than anything to simply close my eyes and go to sleep, to not have to face myself again. There is no denying it was painful, and even looking back on it now I can feel the tugs of emptiness in my heart. But as strange as it sounds, I must admit that I am glad of the pain. I am thankful of the experiences I had, and the people who put themselves on the edge beside me to help me realise how close I was to falling. And eventually, one fateful, endless evening lying on my bedroom floor, clutching my large collection of various pain killers from the hospital, I fell from the edge. I spent an eternity in that dark void, trying with the last scrap of my strength to turn up the volume on the desperate voice in the back of my head. My voice, the one that has fought for years to be heard, to be acknowledged, telling me not to take the pills.
That night, albeit the darkest night of my life, finally snapped me. The voice of the person I had always meant to become spoke louder than I knew it could. It reminded me of all the things I had yet to do, the dreams I had once cherished, and most of all it reminded me that if I gave in now it would be admitting defeat to all the cruel people that had buried me in my hole of depression for the past ten years.
So, although with a weak, slow and frightened approach, I got up off the floor and I started to fight. There were many tears, panic attacks, episodes of sickness, friendships lost and actions regretted along the way. I made mistakes, there is no doubting that, some of them I will never be able to take back. But I fought. And it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. There is not a chance on earth that I would have made it without the people who stayed by my side, even when I was at my absolute worst, when I was volatile, terrified, sick, vulnerable, angry and exhausted.
To everyone's surprise including my own, I somehow made it to 2013. And I was actually doing alright. I had my first "proper job" and for once I wasn't working with people who bullied me. I started to take trips across the country to visit friends I hadn't seen in a while, and in March 2013 I bought my own car. This was a huge turning point for me, as I had come to think that I would never be able to drive, not much helped by being told so by some greatly negative influences in my life. Also in March I braved starting my own gaming channel with my brother, that sadly would not last long due to my lack of commitment while recovering from depression and anxiety (and in general!) but set the seed in my mind to return to at some point.
In April, a few of my friends began the difficult journey of teaching me to drive, as did my parents, and many a terrifying road trip took place. In May, my temporary contract at my job suddenly ended, and things were turned on their head for a while. Nonetheless, I bought a Merlin Pass and started to enjoy my time off for summer with my friends, and many more road trips aka driving practise to and from the attractions. I also made a new friend called Jonny, who became a staple broseph in my little clan :)
Moving on to June I introduced one of my best friends to clubbing, discovered Pewdiepie on YouTube and spent yet more time at theme parks with my friends. In July I started a new job that meant getting up at 5.30am 5 days a week, and it pretty much killed everything outside of my work life for a while. Still I managed to watch This is the End with my friends (one of my fondest memories of the year for laughing hysterically throughout) and went on a terrifying rollercoaster with Jonny.
August bought an awesome geek trip to London for my birthday, my 3rd attempt in 6 years at a nose piercing, I introduced one of my best mates to the magic that is Les Miserables, went to an advance preview of About Time with my mum and it became our favourite movie ever and made a stop motion video with one of my besties. In September I re-launched my blogging, starting to post regularly to my PuddyGeeks blog! I also met some amazing new friends and got pestered by numerous relatives for being single.
I really enjoyed scaring the crap out of some kids for Halloween, and experimenting to make some hella creepy zombie make up for a night on the town. Sadly also in October I failed my driving test twice and my beautiful dog Tia who had been a part of our family for nearly 13 years suddenly had to be put down. It happened the night before my mums birthday, and so I had to delay my surprise trip to London and tickets to Les Miserables for her and myself. ALSO, I quit my job, booked my solo trip to Barcelona for November, bought tickets to see Taylor Swift with one of my best friends in Feb '14, and got ridiculously drunk on a night out with Jonny, felt like a teenager again. It was a very eventful month.
In November I went to London for the day with mum for the first time and took her to see Les Mis for the first time in 10 years. She spent 10 years hinting that she'd love to see it again. I also took a life changing trip to Barcelona for 5 days completely by myself. Both of these experiences can be found in detail on my blog ;) I also went to a New Look Spring/Summer VIP preview, realised I had left my designer glasses in Barcelona and returned to my original employer where I was happy, in an even better position that I had been in before!
Finally in December I went to see the Lion King in London for one of my best friends 23rd birthday, visited my friend in hospital, started an Indiegogo campaign and booked a bungee jump to buy a new wheelchair for my friend, shared my 12-18 month bucket list with all of you, finally posted my Geek On-Tour Barcelona video, opened a pinterest, tumblr and google+ to become more involved online, bought my first Macbook to show commitment to my blog and YouTube, bought professional soft lights for my videos, congratulated my cousin on her engagement, and had my most expensive and interactive family Christmas yet.
I guess the point I am trying to make by sharing all this information is that you really never do know what is around the corner. NEVER give up, no matter how bad life gets, because only you have the power to change it and the only thing that will come of you ending your life here is that you will not achieve all those things you dreamt of nor will you become that person that shows the world what you're worth even after everything you have been through. Only you can change it, and most importantly only you can change yourself.
I look back at the past 2 years and I can hardly recognise myself. I know I still have a heck of a way to go to becoming that person who owns the voice in the back of my head, but now I look forward to it, and the person I was 2 years ago didn't even want to become her any more. I'm becoming someone who is self sure, strong and optimistic and that's something I have never been. Every day I can feel my perspective of the world changing a step at a time and I feel like my eyes are finally starting to perceive the beauty and all the opportunities around me. I am the master of my life, my body, my heart and my soul and you had better believe that I will protect them with everything I have. I'm not afraid any more, not of everything. I still get scared, sometimes things overwhelm me or sometimes I have to deal with something I'm not quite over yet. The difference is, I no longer spend 99% of my life in fear, and that is something I am truly proud of.
This next year is going to bring in more change than the past two combined, and to help keep myself on track I plan on writing something positive that happened each day on my calendar and scanning it onto my blog for you all to follow my journey with me at the end of each month. Thank you to each and every one of you, however few that is, for supporting me on this journey. I sincerely hope that this page can help at least one of you to pull yourself back from that edge just long enough to see everything that you can have if you choose to.
I will be sharing my favourite photos of the year, and photos associated with the events above on another post if any of you are interested! If you would like to see them leave a comment below :)
Puddy <3
Tuesday, 10 December 2013
Barcelona Day Four: I'm in a musical.
*** Again I am so sorry that it's been such a long time since I did my last post. I was in a good routine of posting every other day prior to my trip to Barca, now I'm getting swamped with work and just about everything else. Big kick up the bum to get back on track. Okay, back to business***
This morning I came down for breakfast, no surprise, without a sight of my Bristol lads. Considering the rather unimaginable amount of alcohol consumed the night before I wasn't particularly surprised. I can't claim to have felt all that amazing myself. But with it being my penultimate day in Barcelona, I dragged myself out of bed to make the most of it. Also it was a Sunday and I promised myself I would go to church.
I came down to find my lovely American friend Mike at breakfast, my room mate David and one of Mike's friends (this is the problem with writing this so late, I can't remember his name!). We had a good chat about all sorts, including our experiences of Barcelona and the various reactions we had received from everyone we met about where each of us was from. I barely managed to eat properly due to the horrendous hangover, and even tried to drink some tea but that was truly yuck. Sorry Spain, but your tea is totally pants. Lesson learnt, when travelling bring your own teabags.
Mike and I took off on a solo-adventure after breakfast to find some random dancers in a town square. With little more than a tip from a friend of Mike's that there would be dancing at this address, this time and that we would love it, we wondered through the streets with little idea of what we would find. We stumbled across the detailed town square, but there wasn't anything going on. We wondered around the area for a while, but next to everything was closed. It was around 11am to 12 lunchtime, and although we had heard of Siesta's, I was yet to see anything closed for it yet. Granted it was Sunday, but even in England most places tend to be open between 10am-4pm.
Anyway, disappointed from that we went to seek ice cream, as finding Gelato in Barcelona was on my to-do list. Despite having passed literally hundreds of ice cream places in the past 3 days, once actually in search of one it was near impossible to find a bakery or ice cream store anywhere. The only place we could find that was open within a couple of blocks was McDonalds, and even that was like a ghost town. We hung out there for a bit while Mike connected to the wi-fi (or wii fee as pronounced in Spain) to double check the time and address of the dancing, then headed back to check again.
Upon arriving back at the original address, it was a totally different scene. It felt just like walking into a musical, with American jazz music playing loud and everyone swing dancing in time with each other! The experience was surreal and Mike and I couldn't keep the smiles off our faces. Mike talked a young Spanish girl into teaching him a few steps, while I filmed and took many snaps. I restrained from learning, with my lack of rhythm I didn't have enough time left in Barca to learn the steps, but it has certainly inspired me to take up swing dancing back in the UK.
While waiting for Mike's friend to turn up a super terrifying drunk guy from another country (not to be given enough detail to identify here) came up to half threaten, and half befriend us in a very "I want to kill you and eat your insides" kind of scary way. After that, we made a pretty speedy escape. We discussed the Walking Dead some more and our zombie apocalypse plans. Once back at the hostel, I found the lads semi comatose on the bean bags in the hostel, and seeing as they claimed to not want to move for the rest of the day, left them there.
I went back to my room to take a nap and just generally relax for a while before we headed out for church that evening. I didn't end up taking the nap after all, as a lovely new arrival checked in. This is where I met the very sweet Dario from Argentina. We talked for literally three hours about just about everything (even with his TV learnt English and my complete lack of any other language) and I have to say he made a huge impact on my trip even having arrived so late just for being the most adorable person I met on my travels. Later in the afternoon, another newbie arrived from America (I'm really sorry I've forgotten your name!) and she seemed to settle in well too.
I suddenly realised that after spending so much time chatting with Dario, I may have missed the boys boarding for their flight. I rand downstairs, searching frantically for them, and fortunately managed to catch them. I said a brief but very sad goodbye to all my friends, taking comfort in the fact that aren't too far to ever see again! I got changed into something a little warmer as the temperature was now starting to drop, and even with Mike coming to collect me we ended up running late to church.
We power walked pretty much the whole way there, giving us a quick chance to talk more about our faith and how it came about for each of us, and what it actually meant for us as both rather modern Christians. When I got there, I realised I really didn't know much about this church we were going to, other than it was known for it's music. So I was expecting a lot of hymns, which is great for me as I love singing. What I discovered when I went inside was very different. Not only was it all young people, but there was stage with strobe lights and a projector with lyrics to sing along on top of some funky moving backgrounds that were almost rave worthy. This was Hillsong.
The music started and I have to say it was the craziest experience of worship I have ever known. Everyone was dancing with their arms in the air, some of the music was almost dubsteppy, and there were tons of live musicians on the stage. In the quieter, more toned down moments, there was no doubting it was church as the music slowed and everyone held their hands up and whispered prayers. It felt like nothing I had experienced before, a level of passion and belief that was so alive and inspiring that it made my heart feel swelled. Even I could fully believe there, with all the new incredible things I had been allowed to experience on this trip, that I was in the right place at the right time. The performers were truly amazing and the church showed some great talent that night. The preacher was probably the strangest I had ever seen in skinny jeans and a hoodie, but also the most passionate. This man had faith pouring out of his veins, and even though I was listening to a translation, most of which I couldn't even understand anyway, I felt so inspired by his love for God.
That night, we returned to find the hostel the emptiest we had seen it yet, with maybe 3 or 4 guests and the staff hanging out. We decided to gather up the last of our food and wine, collect all the bean bags and plug in to Mike's laptop to catch up on the Walking Dead. It took a few trips back and forth to our rooms to collect everything, and a lot of luck with finding somewhere online to watch it, but we got there in the end! It may not have been an exhilarating last night, and I may not have made it out on the town in Barcelona at all, but I wouldn't have traded that cosy evening in with my lovely new friend for the world. We said an emotional goodbye that night, as Mike was leaving very early in the morning, and I went to bed with a smile, especially as even though it was late, Dario was still sat in bed reading when I went back to my room! Cheers bud, you made me smile just after saying goodbye to my friend!
And so, I have only one day left of the most life-changing trip I have yet experienced.
Puddy <3
P.S Found another Barcelona collectable!
This morning I came down for breakfast, no surprise, without a sight of my Bristol lads. Considering the rather unimaginable amount of alcohol consumed the night before I wasn't particularly surprised. I can't claim to have felt all that amazing myself. But with it being my penultimate day in Barcelona, I dragged myself out of bed to make the most of it. Also it was a Sunday and I promised myself I would go to church.
I came down to find my lovely American friend Mike at breakfast, my room mate David and one of Mike's friends (this is the problem with writing this so late, I can't remember his name!). We had a good chat about all sorts, including our experiences of Barcelona and the various reactions we had received from everyone we met about where each of us was from. I barely managed to eat properly due to the horrendous hangover, and even tried to drink some tea but that was truly yuck. Sorry Spain, but your tea is totally pants. Lesson learnt, when travelling bring your own teabags.
Mike and I took off on a solo-adventure after breakfast to find some random dancers in a town square. With little more than a tip from a friend of Mike's that there would be dancing at this address, this time and that we would love it, we wondered through the streets with little idea of what we would find. We stumbled across the detailed town square, but there wasn't anything going on. We wondered around the area for a while, but next to everything was closed. It was around 11am to 12 lunchtime, and although we had heard of Siesta's, I was yet to see anything closed for it yet. Granted it was Sunday, but even in England most places tend to be open between 10am-4pm.
Anyway, disappointed from that we went to seek ice cream, as finding Gelato in Barcelona was on my to-do list. Despite having passed literally hundreds of ice cream places in the past 3 days, once actually in search of one it was near impossible to find a bakery or ice cream store anywhere. The only place we could find that was open within a couple of blocks was McDonalds, and even that was like a ghost town. We hung out there for a bit while Mike connected to the wi-fi (or wii fee as pronounced in Spain) to double check the time and address of the dancing, then headed back to check again.
Upon arriving back at the original address, it was a totally different scene. It felt just like walking into a musical, with American jazz music playing loud and everyone swing dancing in time with each other! The experience was surreal and Mike and I couldn't keep the smiles off our faces. Mike talked a young Spanish girl into teaching him a few steps, while I filmed and took many snaps. I restrained from learning, with my lack of rhythm I didn't have enough time left in Barca to learn the steps, but it has certainly inspired me to take up swing dancing back in the UK.
While waiting for Mike's friend to turn up a super terrifying drunk guy from another country (not to be given enough detail to identify here) came up to half threaten, and half befriend us in a very "I want to kill you and eat your insides" kind of scary way. After that, we made a pretty speedy escape. We discussed the Walking Dead some more and our zombie apocalypse plans. Once back at the hostel, I found the lads semi comatose on the bean bags in the hostel, and seeing as they claimed to not want to move for the rest of the day, left them there.
I went back to my room to take a nap and just generally relax for a while before we headed out for church that evening. I didn't end up taking the nap after all, as a lovely new arrival checked in. This is where I met the very sweet Dario from Argentina. We talked for literally three hours about just about everything (even with his TV learnt English and my complete lack of any other language) and I have to say he made a huge impact on my trip even having arrived so late just for being the most adorable person I met on my travels. Later in the afternoon, another newbie arrived from America (I'm really sorry I've forgotten your name!) and she seemed to settle in well too.
I suddenly realised that after spending so much time chatting with Dario, I may have missed the boys boarding for their flight. I rand downstairs, searching frantically for them, and fortunately managed to catch them. I said a brief but very sad goodbye to all my friends, taking comfort in the fact that aren't too far to ever see again! I got changed into something a little warmer as the temperature was now starting to drop, and even with Mike coming to collect me we ended up running late to church.
We power walked pretty much the whole way there, giving us a quick chance to talk more about our faith and how it came about for each of us, and what it actually meant for us as both rather modern Christians. When I got there, I realised I really didn't know much about this church we were going to, other than it was known for it's music. So I was expecting a lot of hymns, which is great for me as I love singing. What I discovered when I went inside was very different. Not only was it all young people, but there was stage with strobe lights and a projector with lyrics to sing along on top of some funky moving backgrounds that were almost rave worthy. This was Hillsong.
The music started and I have to say it was the craziest experience of worship I have ever known. Everyone was dancing with their arms in the air, some of the music was almost dubsteppy, and there were tons of live musicians on the stage. In the quieter, more toned down moments, there was no doubting it was church as the music slowed and everyone held their hands up and whispered prayers. It felt like nothing I had experienced before, a level of passion and belief that was so alive and inspiring that it made my heart feel swelled. Even I could fully believe there, with all the new incredible things I had been allowed to experience on this trip, that I was in the right place at the right time. The performers were truly amazing and the church showed some great talent that night. The preacher was probably the strangest I had ever seen in skinny jeans and a hoodie, but also the most passionate. This man had faith pouring out of his veins, and even though I was listening to a translation, most of which I couldn't even understand anyway, I felt so inspired by his love for God.
From left to right, my room mate David, me, my lovely American Mike and my room mate Andre :)
And so, I have only one day left of the most life-changing trip I have yet experienced.
P.S Found another Barcelona collectable!
Wednesday, 27 November 2013
My Bucket List for the next 12-18 months.
So in my journey for control of my anxiety and making up all the time I've lost to it, I've started a sort of bucket list. There are many thing I've missed over the years, and many crazy little ideas that pop into my head only to be lost. This list is my way of ensuring I experience as much as possible in as little time as possible. It has a deadline yes, because I want to have a set point to look back and smile at how much I've done. And because I'm challenging myself. And also because yes, a lot of these experiences are best done when young and single with few commitments, so I am racing the clock a little here. Although there is a deadline, there is not an ending to this list. Anything I haven't achieve in the next 12-18 months will be going on to my next list, whether that be another short time list, or more of a 'things to do before I die' style list I don't yet know. I'm just kind of going with it right now.
I'll be amending and adding things to this as I go along, so as well as posting it as an actual post, I'll be adding it as a page on my blog so you guys can go back and check how it is going at any time. If you have any suggestions for this list, feel free to leave them in a comment for me, I'd love to see them! Anything in bold green has been accomplished, woo hoo!
1. Go on an all out, expensive shopping spree.
2. Brave a spa - day. Maybe even combine it with shopping, hair styling, nails and other luxuries. Make a weekend of it.
3. Go zorbing.
4. Go horseriding (and not whinge in fear the whole time this time around!)
5. Experience Halloween in the USA.
6. Sleep under the stars on the beach.
7. Go to a drive in movie.
8. Experience New Years Eve in Times Square, New York.
9. Finally take my mum to see Cirque du Soleil after 10 years of her saying she wants to see it.
10. Celebrate St Patricks Day in Ireland.
11. Learn to speak another language.
12. Meet a celebrity idol or YouTuber.
13. Drive a supercar.
14. Scubadive, even though I am petrified of the sea and fish being in the water with me. See tropical fish and the pretty parts of the sea.
15. Go to Vidcon.
16. Go to Playlist Live.
17. Go to Comic con.
18. Drive Route 66/go on a real American road trip.
19. Drink a cocktail from a coconut.
20. Succeed on Youtube and Blogging.
21. Volunteer as a zombie in 2.8 hours later (and experience the free night as a player).
22. Go for a weekend to Isle of Wight and revisit the places I missed when I lived there.
23. Go paintballing after the trauma of my first paintballing experience.
24. Go to London Gaming Con and geek out for a solid weekend.
25. Bungee jump for charity despite my horrific fear of heights.
26. Confront as many fears as possible (in case you hadn't noticed that theme yet).
27. Travel alone.
28. Ride a scooter around Rome (get my motorcycle licence) [firstly finally pass my car driving test!]
29. Go shopping in Milan (stop being so tight and buy something posh and expensive!)
30. Go to London Fashion Week (or better yet get invited due to Blog or Youtube success!! See point 20)
31. Work out regularly/tone up/be happy with my figure.
32. Go to V festival luxury camping.
33. Finally go to Fright Nights at Thorpe Park, and confront the mazes that make me wee a little just from the adverts!
34. Go to a football match all facepainted up and cheer even though I don't know what's going on!
35. Get a guy friend to come along and explain football.
36. Host a Christmas party/get together for my all my closest friends.
37. Host Halloween with people who equally enjoy it! (The opposite of anyone in my family! :P)
38. Purchase several different gaming consoles and work on my own collection of games.
I'll be amending and adding things to this as I go along, so as well as posting it as an actual post, I'll be adding it as a page on my blog so you guys can go back and check how it is going at any time. If you have any suggestions for this list, feel free to leave them in a comment for me, I'd love to see them! Anything in bold green has been accomplished, woo hoo!
1. Go on an all out, expensive shopping spree.
2. Brave a spa - day. Maybe even combine it with shopping, hair styling, nails and other luxuries. Make a weekend of it.
3. Go zorbing.
4. Go horseriding (and not whinge in fear the whole time this time around!)
5. Experience Halloween in the USA.
6. Sleep under the stars on the beach.
7. Go to a drive in movie.
8. Experience New Years Eve in Times Square, New York.
9. Finally take my mum to see Cirque du Soleil after 10 years of her saying she wants to see it.
10. Celebrate St Patricks Day in Ireland.
11. Learn to speak another language.
12. Meet a celebrity idol or YouTuber.
13. Drive a supercar.
14. Scubadive, even though I am petrified of the sea and fish being in the water with me. See tropical fish and the pretty parts of the sea.
15. Go to Vidcon.
16. Go to Playlist Live.
17. Go to Comic con.
18. Drive Route 66/go on a real American road trip.
19. Drink a cocktail from a coconut.
20. Succeed on Youtube and Blogging.
21. Volunteer as a zombie in 2.8 hours later (and experience the free night as a player).
22. Go for a weekend to Isle of Wight and revisit the places I missed when I lived there.
23. Go paintballing after the trauma of my first paintballing experience.
24. Go to London Gaming Con and geek out for a solid weekend.
25. Bungee jump for charity despite my horrific fear of heights.
26. Confront as many fears as possible (in case you hadn't noticed that theme yet).
27. Travel alone.
28. Ride a scooter around Rome (get my motorcycle licence) [firstly finally pass my car driving test!]
29. Go shopping in Milan (stop being so tight and buy something posh and expensive!)
30. Go to London Fashion Week (or better yet get invited due to Blog or Youtube success!! See point 20)
31. Work out regularly/tone up/be happy with my figure.
32. Go to V festival luxury camping.
33. Finally go to Fright Nights at Thorpe Park, and confront the mazes that make me wee a little just from the adverts!
34. Go to a football match all facepainted up and cheer even though I don't know what's going on!
35. Get a guy friend to come along and explain football.
36. Host a Christmas party/get together for my all my closest friends.
37. Host Halloween with people who equally enjoy it! (The opposite of anyone in my family! :P)
38. Purchase several different gaming consoles and work on my own collection of games.
Thursday, 21 November 2013
Barcelona Day Three: Selfie Saturday.
This morning I woke up with the hangover from hell. How I managed to crawl down to the common area in time for breakfast I have no idea, but I literally only made it by about 15 minutes. And even then, I didn't manage to eat much. I pretty much just lounged around feeling sorry for myself until the boys appeared. I had promised the night before to save them some breakfast, but having barely made it myself I didn't get time to scrape up food for them. Fortunately, they felt as bad as I did so no one was much in the mood to eat anyway.
We sorted out our tickets for Sagrada Familia, which turned out to be more than a little bit of a faff, and then headed to the local supermarket to stock up on supplies. I hadn't bothered to track this place down yet, but I'm so glad the guys showed me where it was as I ended up getting many a sweet treat there, and much cheap wine for the evening ;) Admittedly some of it was shit, turns out I know very little about wine especially when all the labels are in Spanish, but some of it was alright! Either way, it was cheap and we all got drunk so mission accomplished.
With my lovely new friends as tour guides, I found this day much less stressful than trying to navigate the metro and the streets by myself, not once having to stop to ask for directions. I must admit exploring was much more fun when I could just follow someone else while snapping away on my camera. We got there slightly earlier than our slot, and the fresh air had worked it's magic in curing us enough to have an appetite. Instead of looking out for something super cultural, the guys prompty found a subway. And I have to say, good call! We sat down for lunch in a small park opposite the cathedral, and even though it seemed to be inhabited by a horrifying amount of fearless pigeons, I got through the experience more or less unscathed. By this point, Matt had started a hilarious mission of the day known only as Selfie Saturday. This involves being incredibly vein and taking pictures of yourself everywhere you go, while the rest of the group photobomb you in the background. Maybe you had to be there to appreciate it, but I have to tell you this is one of my fondest memories of being in Barcelona as it only got funnier as the day went on and by the evening we were in stitches trying to take the final photo. If Matt ever posts a blog of these pictures, I will be sure to share it. If not, maybe I can persuade him to do a guest post here ;)
The Sagrada Familia was incredible and easily the most beautiful place I've ever been. The atmosphere in there was indescribably peaceful, and there was a real sense of faith that I've not felt in any other religious building before. Of course, visiting somewhere like this with a group of architecture students definitely gave it a fresh perspective, but for me it was all about feeling the most connected I have felt to my faith since I decided to become Catholic. Don't get me wrong, I still am a very pick and choose Catholic with my own opinions and beliefs, but that doesn't change the fact that in my heart I am connected to my faith.
The Sagrada Familia is where I experienced my strongest connection yet, and I truly hope this is something I get to experience again in my lifetime. I felt honoured to have the opportunity to pray in this breathtaking place of worship, and I could not thank God enough for turning my life so far around. The girl I was merely 12 months from now would never have dreamed of going on such an adventure and would certainly not have visited a cathedral to pray. I like to think of myself as living proof that you never know what is just around the corner for your life.
After playing jointly the hyped up tourist and the astounded Catholic, we decided to head over to Las Ramblas in search of a few others from architecture group. This time I took in a little more of the area, now that I wasn't stressed to hell, lost and desperate to find someone who spoke English well enough to help me! Including the cultural wonder that is McDonalds [thanks guys ;)] which it turns out is even more packed in Spain than at home. While the guys ate, we were sitting near probably the largest single group of pigeons I have ever seen in my life. They looked like a sea of pigeons, they moved together and covered an entire square. Fortunately we were just far away enough that I would have enough time to throw myself onto the floor and scream like a lunatic if they did all take off, but I can't claim to have been particularly cool about it. Still, I stayed and I didn't cry or faint in panic so that makes me proud. It's the small victories in life sometimes.
Having decided that we were not going to be able to find the others, we wondered around Barri Gotic for a while eventually making it to a museum where a whole bunch of young people of varying skill levels were making the most of the smooth level ground as an improvised skate park. It was a pretty cool setting right outside a super modern building, and I would have taken a few snaps had I not been sooo ready for an afternoon siesta. I did take an awesome shot of what the streets of Barri Gotic where like though, the only shot of that area I remembered to take it turns out!
We all headed back to the hostel for a quick siesta before another epic night of drinking. I woke up with plenty of time to spare this time, and got a shower, change of clothes, and even had time to go over to the supermarket to stock up on wine, and pastries. You know, the essentials. I had dinner at the hostel again, this time enchiladas which wasn't bad, but would have been much better if I had any skill whatever in wrapping them. I pretty much just ate chilli on an open wrap, with a knife and fork haha. This is where I met the lovely Hayley, who was kind enough to not only look after my stuff while I gathered my meal, but also let me sit with her as we were both all alone! We had a great chat and I felt like I had an awesome bond with her, so gutted she's all the way on the other side of the world :( [Wish we'd had more time girl!]. For having only just met, we actually had a DM [Deep and Meaningful, learnt indirectly through Mike from the Aussies Brandon and Cam, love this and definitely bought it home to use in England!]
That night was seriously awesome, but in a bittersweet way as it was the last night I would spend with my holiday family. Much, much alcohol was drunk and many a silly event occurred [ahem, looking at you Will for repeatedly telling me in a surprised voice that you had no socks on!] but it was all in good fun and I laughed my way through all of it. I took some of my favourite pictures of the trip that night, and for me it's strange as I pictured myself going out to enjoy the nightlife for at least most of my evenings, but it turned out the most fun for me was staying in with some cheap wine. Just goes to show you can never plan these things! Thanks again boys for making my trip so memorable and accepting me into yours! :)
I went to bed that night actually feeling quite sad as I knew tomorrow I would have to say goodbye, but even so it was wonderful to spend so much time laughing in such wonderful company. I was beginning to learn that no matter how much you plan, where you go or how amazing a trip you imagine, it's the people that make it memorable.
Puddy <3
P.S I found one of the many collectable Space Invaders spread around the city!!
We sorted out our tickets for Sagrada Familia, which turned out to be more than a little bit of a faff, and then headed to the local supermarket to stock up on supplies. I hadn't bothered to track this place down yet, but I'm so glad the guys showed me where it was as I ended up getting many a sweet treat there, and much cheap wine for the evening ;) Admittedly some of it was shit, turns out I know very little about wine especially when all the labels are in Spanish, but some of it was alright! Either way, it was cheap and we all got drunk so mission accomplished.
With my lovely new friends as tour guides, I found this day much less stressful than trying to navigate the metro and the streets by myself, not once having to stop to ask for directions. I must admit exploring was much more fun when I could just follow someone else while snapping away on my camera. We got there slightly earlier than our slot, and the fresh air had worked it's magic in curing us enough to have an appetite. Instead of looking out for something super cultural, the guys prompty found a subway. And I have to say, good call! We sat down for lunch in a small park opposite the cathedral, and even though it seemed to be inhabited by a horrifying amount of fearless pigeons, I got through the experience more or less unscathed. By this point, Matt had started a hilarious mission of the day known only as Selfie Saturday. This involves being incredibly vein and taking pictures of yourself everywhere you go, while the rest of the group photobomb you in the background. Maybe you had to be there to appreciate it, but I have to tell you this is one of my fondest memories of being in Barcelona as it only got funnier as the day went on and by the evening we were in stitches trying to take the final photo. If Matt ever posts a blog of these pictures, I will be sure to share it. If not, maybe I can persuade him to do a guest post here ;)
Matt lining the guys up for a selfie
The Sagrada Familia was incredible and easily the most beautiful place I've ever been. The atmosphere in there was indescribably peaceful, and there was a real sense of faith that I've not felt in any other religious building before. Of course, visiting somewhere like this with a group of architecture students definitely gave it a fresh perspective, but for me it was all about feeling the most connected I have felt to my faith since I decided to become Catholic. Don't get me wrong, I still am a very pick and choose Catholic with my own opinions and beliefs, but that doesn't change the fact that in my heart I am connected to my faith.
The Sagrada Familia is where I experienced my strongest connection yet, and I truly hope this is something I get to experience again in my lifetime. I felt honoured to have the opportunity to pray in this breathtaking place of worship, and I could not thank God enough for turning my life so far around. The girl I was merely 12 months from now would never have dreamed of going on such an adventure and would certainly not have visited a cathedral to pray. I like to think of myself as living proof that you never know what is just around the corner for your life.
After playing jointly the hyped up tourist and the astounded Catholic, we decided to head over to Las Ramblas in search of a few others from architecture group. This time I took in a little more of the area, now that I wasn't stressed to hell, lost and desperate to find someone who spoke English well enough to help me! Including the cultural wonder that is McDonalds [thanks guys ;)] which it turns out is even more packed in Spain than at home. While the guys ate, we were sitting near probably the largest single group of pigeons I have ever seen in my life. They looked like a sea of pigeons, they moved together and covered an entire square. Fortunately we were just far away enough that I would have enough time to throw myself onto the floor and scream like a lunatic if they did all take off, but I can't claim to have been particularly cool about it. Still, I stayed and I didn't cry or faint in panic so that makes me proud. It's the small victories in life sometimes.
Outside the Sagrada Familia with my little adopted family :)
Having decided that we were not going to be able to find the others, we wondered around Barri Gotic for a while eventually making it to a museum where a whole bunch of young people of varying skill levels were making the most of the smooth level ground as an improvised skate park. It was a pretty cool setting right outside a super modern building, and I would have taken a few snaps had I not been sooo ready for an afternoon siesta. I did take an awesome shot of what the streets of Barri Gotic where like though, the only shot of that area I remembered to take it turns out!
The gorgeous little streets of Barri Gotic
We all headed back to the hostel for a quick siesta before another epic night of drinking. I woke up with plenty of time to spare this time, and got a shower, change of clothes, and even had time to go over to the supermarket to stock up on wine, and pastries. You know, the essentials. I had dinner at the hostel again, this time enchiladas which wasn't bad, but would have been much better if I had any skill whatever in wrapping them. I pretty much just ate chilli on an open wrap, with a knife and fork haha. This is where I met the lovely Hayley, who was kind enough to not only look after my stuff while I gathered my meal, but also let me sit with her as we were both all alone! We had a great chat and I felt like I had an awesome bond with her, so gutted she's all the way on the other side of the world :( [Wish we'd had more time girl!]. For having only just met, we actually had a DM [Deep and Meaningful, learnt indirectly through Mike from the Aussies Brandon and Cam, love this and definitely bought it home to use in England!]
Trying to take Matt's last selfie of the day as his phone couldn't handle the dark!
That night was seriously awesome, but in a bittersweet way as it was the last night I would spend with my holiday family. Much, much alcohol was drunk and many a silly event occurred [ahem, looking at you Will for repeatedly telling me in a surprised voice that you had no socks on!] but it was all in good fun and I laughed my way through all of it. I took some of my favourite pictures of the trip that night, and for me it's strange as I pictured myself going out to enjoy the nightlife for at least most of my evenings, but it turned out the most fun for me was staying in with some cheap wine. Just goes to show you can never plan these things! Thanks again boys for making my trip so memorable and accepting me into yours! :)
Puddy <3
P.S I found one of the many collectable Space Invaders spread around the city!!
Saturday, 16 November 2013
Barcelona Day One: Heading to Barcelona.
** Hi guys, this post is from Thursday 5th November, the day I left for Barcelona. I didn't arrive there until really late, so I only have one or two photos, however these is some footage so keep an eye out on my last Barcelona post for a link to my vlog :) **
It's adventure time! Today is kind of a big deal, I'm taking a huge step towards dealing with my anxiety. Today, I fly to Barcelona for a four night trip completely by myself. My 16 year old self would be jumping for joy and shouting for more time, but the person I am now is terrified. I've never been great with flying, last year I had a full on panic attack and then I was travelling with my family. I've also never travelled alone, I'm not even great at being alone in my own home town without feeling nervous, so at this moment I'm starting to think I may have completely lost my mind by booking this trip. I start my day with a trip to my doctors to collect a prescription for some Diazepam (Valium in America) to help me through not only the flight there and back, but just in case I have problems sleeping or just generally coping throughout the trip. I struggled to sleep last year, even though I was in a very fancy hotel with my whole family, so I feel better knowing I am prepared.
I'm frantic as I try to make my last preparations before my friend Amy arrives to drive me to the airport. I have to run to the local store to pick up a bunch of things I've suddenly realised I have, but can't take with me as I share them with my family, such as shampoo and conditioner. I pack my flight bag with 2 new books I've bought especially for the trip, you can never be too prepared. I then fill it with food. I didn't realise when I booked my flight that I was going to be on a plane during dinner time, meaning I won't get to eat from 2pm when I leave for the airport, to 11.30pm when I arrive in my hostel if I am to stay on budget. I begin to realise that the budget is unlikely to last.
Amy arrives and I feel strange as I say goodbye to my dad and we pack my stuff into her car. I'm really nervous the whole way to the airport and although we mostly chatted about work and casual stuff, I have a strong feeling of impending doom. I try to distract myself by filming some of the journey, but when I switch on my camera I realise I've left the memory card in my laptop at home! We're nearly there at this point and there's no way I have time to go back, so I have to plan to buy a new one at the airport. £20 for another memory card, argh! I had planned on picking up an extra in case I filled up the first, but this doesn't help me now as my original card is at home.
I stop for dinner at a Weatherspoons express in the airport and start my book. I take some shots of the airport and beginning of my journey, but it isn't long before I end up running out of distractions and just sit in front of the screen waiting for my gate to be announced. I have a chat with my mum on the phone, and stayed on to her right up to my gate. When I eventually got onto the plane, I had prebooked my seat, extra leg room to make me less claustrophobic in the hope that will ease my nervous, but then also the window seat, which I usually avoid like the plague, because I want to film take off and landing. Thank God for medication! I sit next to a nice Spanish couple who sleep a lot of the flight. I daren't sleep as I worry about sleeping when I get there. I'm surprisingly calm for the whole flight, even take off and landing where I usually freak.
When I get off the plane it's not quite as warm as I expected, and I'm actually a little chilly but I hop on to the coach transfer to the airport. I ask a few nice English speaking people where they are staying but none of them are staying at my hostel. I collect my case and head out in search of the train station. I feel a little twinge of panic as I realise I can't read any of the signs and none of them have an obvious train sign. I head for the exit and right outside is a bus to Barcelona city centre. I have directions to the hostel by bus or train, so I jump on and accept the change of plan. I arrive in the city centre and muddle my way to the nearest metro station, getting confused on the simplest of things like how to buy a ticket and how to get through the barriers. Everything is so different!
My directions say to get off at Diagonal and the hostel is a 2 minute walk. However they don't mention that the metro station has 5 different exits, all of which are about 2 blocks apart from each other, and I can't even find an exit anyway as all the signs are in Spanish! I stop several people asking how to get out.
I end up coming out of the wrong exit and have to walk 20 minutes to find something even close to my hostel address. I cross the road, anticipating that the number of my hostel is the other side of the street, but I can't find number 116. I walk the stretch several times following the numbers, but 116 isn't there. Across the road, partially boarded up, I see a sign cas[BOARD]cia. I am looking for Casa Gracia. I run across the road with my case, which is now killing me to pull with all muscles aching and sweat pouring from me. This building is definitely a hostel, but it's all boarded up and I suddenly realise the sign says its sold.
I can't explain the level of panic I felt. My stomach flips, my heart starts pounding, and I think I might vomit, faint and burst into tears at the same time. Oh my god, it doesn't exist. It's sold. There's no hostel. I have nowhere to sleep! I take a deep breath and force myself to check the other side of the road again. I am adamant that I will find this place. All the even numbers are on the other side so it has to be there. I check each doorway more closely. It's only on checking the intercom system on the third door that I see a tiny little piece of paper that says Casa Gracia. I could scream I am so happy.
I burst in and drag my case beside me with ease in the relief. I quickly check my phone, it's 11.30. I told my mum I would be at the hostel by 10.30 at the latest. She has text me saying she hopes it's not too expensive to text in Spain, but that's she's emailed the hostel to ask if I have arrived, where am I? Shit. I approach the lift and my stomach drops. It looks about 100 years old and I don't even understand the buttons. I press every button and stand there for a while, but nothing happens. I decide it is easier to just drag my case up the spiral staircase, some guests tell me it is only one floor to reception. I freak the hell out of the receptionists with my utter relief to see them.
I check into my room, and someone is in the bed I was assigned. She tells me someone is in her bed. I'm pretty happy to settle anywhere, hell I'm just happy to have a bed! I'm introduced to my two room mates, Lina from Berlin and Jamie from California. I'm so glad it's just girls, but it's a 6 person room so I'm aware more people could arrive any time. I'm told there is a boy staying in our room too, but no one has seen him yet. He dumped his stuff while the girls where out and hasn't been seen all day. He swings by briefly to collect something but doesn't say hi. I email my mum to fill her in and reassure her that I am still alive. I don't sleep very well that night so take diazepam, but am super glad I decided to buy earplugs at the airport last minute.
It's the beginning of an awesome adventure, and I feel invincible as I realise I am here, by myself, in a hostel! Jamie tells me I am superwoman for facing my anxiety and coming here. I feel like it.
Puddy <3
It's adventure time! Today is kind of a big deal, I'm taking a huge step towards dealing with my anxiety. Today, I fly to Barcelona for a four night trip completely by myself. My 16 year old self would be jumping for joy and shouting for more time, but the person I am now is terrified. I've never been great with flying, last year I had a full on panic attack and then I was travelling with my family. I've also never travelled alone, I'm not even great at being alone in my own home town without feeling nervous, so at this moment I'm starting to think I may have completely lost my mind by booking this trip. I start my day with a trip to my doctors to collect a prescription for some Diazepam (Valium in America) to help me through not only the flight there and back, but just in case I have problems sleeping or just generally coping throughout the trip. I struggled to sleep last year, even though I was in a very fancy hotel with my whole family, so I feel better knowing I am prepared.
I'm frantic as I try to make my last preparations before my friend Amy arrives to drive me to the airport. I have to run to the local store to pick up a bunch of things I've suddenly realised I have, but can't take with me as I share them with my family, such as shampoo and conditioner. I pack my flight bag with 2 new books I've bought especially for the trip, you can never be too prepared. I then fill it with food. I didn't realise when I booked my flight that I was going to be on a plane during dinner time, meaning I won't get to eat from 2pm when I leave for the airport, to 11.30pm when I arrive in my hostel if I am to stay on budget. I begin to realise that the budget is unlikely to last.
Amy arrives and I feel strange as I say goodbye to my dad and we pack my stuff into her car. I'm really nervous the whole way to the airport and although we mostly chatted about work and casual stuff, I have a strong feeling of impending doom. I try to distract myself by filming some of the journey, but when I switch on my camera I realise I've left the memory card in my laptop at home! We're nearly there at this point and there's no way I have time to go back, so I have to plan to buy a new one at the airport. £20 for another memory card, argh! I had planned on picking up an extra in case I filled up the first, but this doesn't help me now as my original card is at home.
I stop for dinner at a Weatherspoons express in the airport and start my book. I take some shots of the airport and beginning of my journey, but it isn't long before I end up running out of distractions and just sit in front of the screen waiting for my gate to be announced. I have a chat with my mum on the phone, and stayed on to her right up to my gate. When I eventually got onto the plane, I had prebooked my seat, extra leg room to make me less claustrophobic in the hope that will ease my nervous, but then also the window seat, which I usually avoid like the plague, because I want to film take off and landing. Thank God for medication! I sit next to a nice Spanish couple who sleep a lot of the flight. I daren't sleep as I worry about sleeping when I get there. I'm surprisingly calm for the whole flight, even take off and landing where I usually freak.
Landing in Barcelona - sadly at this point I hadn't worked out how to focus my camera yet!
When I get off the plane it's not quite as warm as I expected, and I'm actually a little chilly but I hop on to the coach transfer to the airport. I ask a few nice English speaking people where they are staying but none of them are staying at my hostel. I collect my case and head out in search of the train station. I feel a little twinge of panic as I realise I can't read any of the signs and none of them have an obvious train sign. I head for the exit and right outside is a bus to Barcelona city centre. I have directions to the hostel by bus or train, so I jump on and accept the change of plan. I arrive in the city centre and muddle my way to the nearest metro station, getting confused on the simplest of things like how to buy a ticket and how to get through the barriers. Everything is so different!
My directions say to get off at Diagonal and the hostel is a 2 minute walk. However they don't mention that the metro station has 5 different exits, all of which are about 2 blocks apart from each other, and I can't even find an exit anyway as all the signs are in Spanish! I stop several people asking how to get out.
The buttons in the lift of the Metro - where is exit?!
I can't explain the level of panic I felt. My stomach flips, my heart starts pounding, and I think I might vomit, faint and burst into tears at the same time. Oh my god, it doesn't exist. It's sold. There's no hostel. I have nowhere to sleep! I take a deep breath and force myself to check the other side of the road again. I am adamant that I will find this place. All the even numbers are on the other side so it has to be there. I check each doorway more closely. It's only on checking the intercom system on the third door that I see a tiny little piece of paper that says Casa Gracia. I could scream I am so happy.
I burst in and drag my case beside me with ease in the relief. I quickly check my phone, it's 11.30. I told my mum I would be at the hostel by 10.30 at the latest. She has text me saying she hopes it's not too expensive to text in Spain, but that's she's emailed the hostel to ask if I have arrived, where am I? Shit. I approach the lift and my stomach drops. It looks about 100 years old and I don't even understand the buttons. I press every button and stand there for a while, but nothing happens. I decide it is easier to just drag my case up the spiral staircase, some guests tell me it is only one floor to reception. I freak the hell out of the receptionists with my utter relief to see them.
I check into my room, and someone is in the bed I was assigned. She tells me someone is in her bed. I'm pretty happy to settle anywhere, hell I'm just happy to have a bed! I'm introduced to my two room mates, Lina from Berlin and Jamie from California. I'm so glad it's just girls, but it's a 6 person room so I'm aware more people could arrive any time. I'm told there is a boy staying in our room too, but no one has seen him yet. He dumped his stuff while the girls where out and hasn't been seen all day. He swings by briefly to collect something but doesn't say hi. I email my mum to fill her in and reassure her that I am still alive. I don't sleep very well that night so take diazepam, but am super glad I decided to buy earplugs at the airport last minute.
It's the beginning of an awesome adventure, and I feel invincible as I realise I am here, by myself, in a hostel! Jamie tells me I am superwoman for facing my anxiety and coming here. I feel like it.
Puddy <3
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